Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
