the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize