Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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