I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
