I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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