i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
