I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
