I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize