This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize