I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
