Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
