I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
