i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
