We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
