I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
