I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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