That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize