Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had sex on a roof
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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