I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
