Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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