It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
