i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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