There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
