He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize