I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
