If i come over, it means nothing
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
