What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The air was thick with penises
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
