In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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