I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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