My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
