if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
