Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
