Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was born a porn star she said
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
