I think my fart just growled at me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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