you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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