she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
