Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
