Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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