This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
