I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
