i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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