Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
