The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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