Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
