I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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