you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
