new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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