I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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