There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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