I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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