Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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