the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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