Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
