Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
