I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
