Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
