look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
