Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
