I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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